01 – FAIRY TINKLE
LIGHTS UP.
Fairy Tickle – Who’s just had a tinkle? Me! Good job coz the show’s four hours long. Well the first act.
- Hello everyone. It’s time to start 2. The lights will dim the show will start
Fairy Tickle is my name This theatre’s seen a few
And so we welcome you all here Our lovely pantomime is here.
Coz panto is our game Are you ready? How’s the view?
- Our actors now about to start 4. And sticky sweets we can’t abide
Turn off your mobile phones. As you search the bag for fruits..
If you start texting in the show. Relax, sit back enjoy the show!
I’m sure you’ll hear our groans. It’s time for Puss in Boots.
02 - SONG – THIS IS OUR STORY. FROM SHREK THE MUSICAL
Narrator - You’ve waited all your life. Now the moment’s here.
Now you know this is our story.
It’s the panto. It’s a fun show.
There are jokes and there are songs oh.
It’s the time of year that everyone loves best.
We are funny.
Fairy - We are witty.
Narrator - When we’re with you we are happy
Both - This is our story 0.50
Narrator - You laugh at all our jokes even though they're crude
You don't mind that we’re not classy
Both - We make a perfect pair, radiant and rude
So in love and much too sassy
Cast - We are actors, we are steady
Boys - We’re excited,
Girls - We are ready
Cast - We’ve a fun and brand new story to be told 1.25
Boys - We will write it
Girls - We will tell it
Cast - You will hear it, you will share it SOME CAST HAVE PROP PHONES
Hashtag our story 1.37
PUSS IN BOOTS ENTERS
Narrator- Who’s this? It’s Puss in Boots, He’s the hero of our tale. Here to tell you the story of how he helped Colin to become the King of Orihuelia.
Puss in Boots - Are you ready everyone?
Cast – Yes we are.
Puss in Boots - It’s the Networks Pantomime 2017!
CAST CHANGE SIDES IN LINES. BE IN CHARACTER 2.03
Cast - What makes us special? (What makes us special?)
What makes us special? (What makes us special?)
What makes us special? (What makes us special?)
What makes us special? Makes us strong 2.10
We’re Princesses, we are brothers
We are Servants, we are mothers
We are Dancers and the villagers you see
We are Donkeys, we are singers
We are millers, we are Princes
This is our story. This is our story
Cast – Puss in Boots
Narrator - Let the pantomime begin! 2.51
Cast - Oh yeah!
03 CAST PLAYOUT MUSIC (40 seconds)
04 SONG ABC 123
Puss – Hello everybody. I said hello everybody! My name is Puss. I’m a mover (ACTION) I’m a shaper.. (ACTION) I’m a groover. (ACTION) Welcome to each and all. 0.26
CHORUS
Puss & Dancers - A B C. It's easy as, 1 2 3
As simple as, do re mi
A B C, 1 2 3
Baby, you and me X2 0.49
Puss - Aren’t I adorable? Thank you? Do you like my tail. Thank you again. Wouldn’t you just like to stroke me or give me a saucer of milk? Prrrrrrr…. Give a cheer if you’ve been to our panto before! Give a cheer if you haven’t. Give a cheer if you couldn’t care less.
Yes, that’s about the size of it. Good evening ladies. Oh, sorry Sir.
REPEAT CHORUS 1.30
Puss & Dancers - A B C it's easy as 1 2 3,
Sing a simple melody
That's how easy love can be
That's how easy love can be
Sing a simple melody
1 2 3 You and me.
THE BACKING DANCERS EXIT.
Puss – (TO THE DANCERS) Thank you everyone! I’ll WhatsApp you later. Bye girls.
Boy Dancer – Hey!
ONE OF THE BOY DANCERS TURNS AROUND AND STARES.
Puss - Easy mistake.
Let me just check you’re all awake. Hello. (REACTION) I am Puss (POINTS TO HIS FEET) in Boots.
Well you’re the best looking audience we’ve had today! Good evening. You’re here to have fun and we’re here to make you laugh and cry. Let’s hope you laugh at the funny bits and cry at the sad bits and not in reverse. We want to look our best for you and so we’ve spent a long time getting ready. How do I look? I was going to wear my camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find them. But do I look ok? Thank you.
Our story starts in the small, quite backward, politically stagnant, almost forgotten, quite corrupt village of Orihuelia. Have you heard of it? Anyone here from Orihuelia? Oooh quite a few….at least you’re honest. Let’s start our story…welcome to Orihuelia!
PUSS IN BOOTS FRONTS THE SONG
05 SONG – LET IT SWING 0.13
All - Look at me I'm climbing up a ladder
And I'm half-way bound with reaching for the stars.
No I don't have time to swing…no time for laughter
But a voice inside my head keeps singing loud. 0.40
CHORUS
Let it swing and let it rock and roll
Let it swing and let the feeling take control.
Oh ah oh let it swing and let it rock and roll. 1.01
There's a guy on top who's sitting fine forever
Got the world and everything that's called the best.
Now he don't say much unless there's room for talking
Just a sign above the door to his success. 1.27
REPEAT CHORUS
DANCE BREAK 1.41 – 2-02
Voice inside YOUR head keeps singing loud! Singing Loud! 2.13
REPEAT CHORUS 2.27
Let it swing and let it rock and roll
Let it swing and let the feeling take control.
Oh ah oh let it swing and let it rock
let it swing and let it roll
let it swing and let it rock and roll.
CAST EXIT DURING FINAL VERSE LEAVING STAGE BARE.
06 COLIN ENTERS
COLIN ENTERS. BABY COSTUME. CARRYING A BOX MARKED “TROUBLE AT MILL FLOUR.”
Colin – No, not that way. The other way. Woooahhhh… Slow down baby. Ooooh baby..don’t do that. Blimey calm down….. hello everybody… my name is Cooooooollliiiiiiinnnnnnnnnn. Stop! Baby please! That’s better. Ooops… hang on ..just get steady…there…
COLIN ACTS AS IF HE IS ABOUT TO SNEEZE. THEN HE BLOWS HIS NOSE WITH CRAZY STRING.
Well hello..sorry it’s the cut backs..you just can’t get the staff, can you? So unpredictable…we were walking along the high street and we flew straight into Toys R Us.
It’s lovely to see you all….let’s hear a big Orihuelia cheer!
SPEAKS TO AUDIENCE MEMBER.
What’s your name? ANSWER. That’s a lovely name. And where do you live?
AUDIENCE MEMBER ANSWERS WITH NAME OF PLACE
Really, ladies and gentleman she/he’s from _SAME PLACE NAME_. My brother works there. And he’s working tonight. He’s a burglar.
I’ve just been down the High Street and I saw a woman wearing a T-shirt with "Guess" written on it. So I said "Ooh...About 35?"
Would you like to be in my gang? (REACTION) And the rest of you? Every time I enter I’ll shout out Hello Gang and you shout “Hello Colin. Woo Woo!” Do you think you can do that? Let’s have a practice.
(TO BABY PUPPET) Over there. Good. Enter. Hello gang. (REACTION) What are you Trappist Monks? Let’s try again. Hello Gang! (REACTION) Ooh that’s was brilliant!
VILLAGER 1 ENTERS
Narrator –Watch out Colin. Crunchbone is on his way!
Colin – Oh no. Crunchbone collects the taxes for the Ogress who rules the country!
Narrator – I don’t have any money! What can I do?
Colin – Learn English at a good academy and your job prospects will improve.
NARRATOR EXITS.
Right gang I’d better go.. Don’t forget. Hello gang..Hello Colin Woo Woo…OK? See you later
COLIN EXITS TO CHANGE TROUSERS. PUSS IN BOOTS ENTERS FIRST AND TALKS TO THE AUDIENCE
06a T SCENE PLAY ON MUSIC
Puss – Now, by the magic of theatre….what you’re seeing happened ten years ago….when I was a little-bittle-wittle kitten. Aaahhh..
POINTS AT SOMEONE
You’re not reacting. I was cute! Aaaahh… Thank you. But you’re about to meet Crunchbone. He’s the ogress’s evil servant. Yes, we have an ogress. She’s so mean she’d steal a dead fly from a blind spider! And Crunchbone is horrible. Last week he sent a get well card to a hypochondriac.
A bit of plot. Yes, we have one of those. What I didn’t tell you is that Colin’s father has just died. Aaah… It’s sadder than that….aaaahhhhh yes, that’s about right.
Now his two brothers are meeting with Colin to hear the reading of the Will and this all happened ten years ago… got it? Got it? Brilliant. You do realise you’re listening to a talking cat? Thank you.
PUSS IN BOOTS EXITS. CRUNCHBONE THEN ENTERS WITH CARL AND CALVIN. VILLAGERS ENTER, ONE VILLAGER IS CARRYING A CAT PUPPET.
07 T SCENE PLAY ON MUSIC
Carl – I’m going to inherit everything. Dad loved me more that he loved chocolate.
Calvin – He was diabetic.
Carl – He loved me more than he loved football.
Calvin – He was a rugby man.
Carl – He loved me more than he loved the X Factor.
Calvin – Fair point.
COLIN ENTERS
Colin – Hello gang! (REACTION) Hello Carl. Hello Calvin. My two favourite brothers.
Carl/Calvin – We’re your only brothers.
Colin – Yes, more’s the pity. Mr Crunchbone. May I call you Crunch? Please proceed.
Crunchbone – Silence! We are here to read the will of Caractacus Corngrind the town’s Miller.
Villager 1 ____ - Where was he buried?
Crunchbone - At the top of the hill under the willow tree.
Villager 1____ – Why was he buried there?
Crunchbone - Because he was dead.
Carl – He loved being a miller.
Calvin – He loved our mother.
Colin – He loved vegetables.
DAME ENTERS JUST AFTER THIS.