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MUSIC 01 – OVERTURE / ABANAZAR ENTRANCE FANFARE (0.48) / ABANAZAR UNDERSCORE (0.58)
Abanazar – Huh! What’s this? Boys and girls? Mums and Dads? What a horrible sight! My name is Abanazar. I am the most evil person in the world! Ha ha ha! Oh yes I am!
AUDIENCE “OH NO YOU’RE NOT” X2
Abanazar – Ah! Shut up! Be careful or I’ll give you extra homework or turn you into a frog! Not so hard with some of you. I’m far too busy to talk to you lot. Where was I? Do you see this ring? Not that one it’s from Domti. This ring. It’s a magic ring. Look!
Nose of pig and eye of toad! One Big Mac and then explode!
Abracadabra. Shazim. Shazam. Make this ring magic to help my plan.
A PUFF OF SMOKE AND THE SLAVE OF THE RING APPEARS.
Slave – The delivery boy! Brilliant! Have you got my extra cheesy, triple cheese, mega cheese, cheesy deep pan?
Abanazar – Oh Jeeze.
Slave - No! Cheese! I love a cheesy pizza. Especially Edam. Do you know Edam is the only cheese that's made backwards?
SHE SPELLS EDAM AND MADE ON HER FINGERS TO HELP EXPLAN THE JOKE.
Abanazar - I am your master! Abanazar.
Slave – Have a banana? Oh not with cheese. That's just wrong. Come on I'm starving! A kebab will do.
Abanazar – Abanazar.
Slave – Alright keep your hair on. Moody moody. I am the Slave of the Ring. My magic powers are at your service.
Abanazar – Excellent!
Slave – I have waited long for your arrival.
Abanazar – Yes sorry, there was a queue at the Post Office.
Slave – I’ve waited so long I’m really hungry. I could kill for a Subway Torpedo!.
Abanazar – Later! What magic powers do you have?
Slave – All the usual. I can mutate you into an animal, I can change water into Orange Fanta!
Abanazar – I want to rule the world!
Slave – Whoa. Whoa. Time out! I can only do level one magic, anything more powerful and you need my cousin Gene.
Abanazar – Who is Gene?
Slave – Gene Genie! The Genie of the Lamp. Don’t you know the story we’re doing? Chips. Sorry.
Abanazar – Where will I find this Gene Genie?
Slave – I told you. In a lamp. You don’t listen, do you?
Abanazar – Where is the lamp?
Slave – In a cave near Crevillente. It’s quite easy to get there. Go up the High Street turn left at Telepizza. Oh pizza!...
Abanazar – Magic me there!
Slave – I don’t do international travel sorry. Try Ryanair.
Abanazar – I can’t afford to pay for my luggage as well! I’ll get the new high speed train.
Slave - You're hopeful! It's quicker to walk!
Abanazar - I'll go and get the lamp now!
Slave – No! You can’t! It will mean certain death! Only a direct descendant of the wizards who placed it there can enter the cave. So you know who you must find?
Abanazar – Harry Potter?
Slave – No! Only one such descendant lives! His name is………Aladdin!
Abanazar – Alan?
Slave – Aladdin! He’s a sweet and innocent boy and he will help you.
Abanazar –Does the boy know that he holds this power?
Slave – No, he doesn’t.
Abanazar – So, Slave of the Ring! If I find the boy Aladdin the lamp will be mine?
Slave – Yes Arfanhour! (Half an hour)
Abanazar – Abanazar! (ASIDE) I will trick the boy Aladdin by pretending to be his long lost Uncle. (TO THE SLAVE) Where does this boy Aladdin live?
Slave – He lives with his mother, the poor old Widow Twankey and his brother Wishee Washee in Orihuela, it's in the Imperial City of Peking.
Abanazar – Peking, that’s worth a look! Alright! You’ve lost your money you might as well laugh! I will leave at once!
ABANAZAR EXITS DOING A SPOOKY LAUGH
Slave – Our pantomime has now begun! It’s time I think to have some fun!
Let’s go and hear the people sing! So off we go! To Old Peking!
SLAVE OF THE RING EXITS. ALADDIN FRONTS OPENING SONG WITH WISHEE WASHEE AND THE DANCERS PLUS THE PRINCESS, SO SHY & POLICEMAN ALL DRESSED AS DANCERS
MUSIC 02 HAPPY 0.15
Wishee - It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take away
Aladdin - I'm a hot air balloon, I could go to space
With the air, like I don't care baby by the way 0.36
CHORUS
Cast - Because I'm happy
Wishee - Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Cast - Because I'm happy
Aladdin - Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Cast - Because I'm happy
Wishee - Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Cast - Because I'm happy
Aladdin - Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do 0.51
Wishee - Here comes bad news talking this and that
Yeah, give me all you got, don't hold back
Aladdin - Yeah, well I should probably warn you I'll be just fine
Yeah, no offense to you don't waste your time
Dancer 1 - Here's why 1.13
REPEAT CHORUS Divide the 4 SINGING lines between dancers to give solo lines 1.38
Dancer 2 - Ladies and Gentleman.
Dancer 3 - Boys and girls!
Dancer 2 - Welcome to the Networks Theatre pantomime 2015 Aladdin!
Aladdin - Yes?
Wishee - We're here with our customary ten minutes of solid gold entertainment crammed into three hours.
Dancer 3 - We hope you've got your sense of humour with you.
Wishee - You'll need it. Jokes like…
Dancer 4 - What's red and bad for your teeth?
Cast - I don't know what's red and bad for your teeth?
Dancer 4 - A brick. 2.02
REPEAT CHORUS THEN EXIT ON FINAL CHORUS
ALADDIN & THE DANCERS QUICKLY EXIT. WISHEE WASHEE IS ON STAGE DOING KARATE MOVES.
Wishee Washee - Hi....Hi.....Hiya!
MUSIC FADES
How are you? Hello everyone! Hello boys and girls! Hello mums and dads! Hello Orihuela. Hello Canada! Oh, I thought I was on a roll.
My name is Wishee Washee Twankey. I live here with my brother Aladdin Aloysius Twankey and my mother Widow Petunia Twankey. We’re the Twankeys. Let me tell you four things about me. I'm intelligent. I'm sexy. And I'm good at maths! At school they wanted to me learn Algebra but what's the point? I'll never go there!
I've had an unlucky week. Aah. A bit more please. Aaagghh.. That’s about right.. You see my girlfriend left me last week. She got her name from her father who owned a chain of hotels. No, no, it's wasn't Paris Hilton. You're close. Her name was Croydon Travelodge. She was a terrible cook. We used to pray after we'd eaten. Do you know why she left me? I kept saying I was a Transformer. I pleaded with her. I told her I could change.
Here, maybe we could play a game? Every time I enter I’ll say HOW ARE YOU GANG? And you shout back WE’RE BRILLIANT WISHEE! Shall we have a practice?
WISHEE PRACTICES THIS. EXITS, ENTERS THEY DON’T MAKE MUCH EFFORT SO HE ENCOURAGES THEM TO DO IT AGAIN.
Brilliant! Welcome to the show, Aladdin! Now this is pantomime so don’t forget to cheer for our hero! Hooray! Only me then, ok! And don’t forget to boo the baddie! Boo! Ah you’re getting it. Don’t boo me though!
And if somebody says OH YES I DO. You say OH NO YOU DON’T. Oh yes you do.
AUDIENCE REACT
We haven’t started yet. Oh no we haven’t.
AUDIENCE REACT
Stop it! Oh yes you will!
Widow Twankey - (OFFSTAGE) Wishee!!!
Wishee Washee - Oh blimey! It's my mum! Widow Twankey! I haven't finished my jobs. See you later!
MUSIC 03 WIDOW TWANKEY ENTRANCE - THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A DAME
WISHEE WASHEE EXITS AS WIDOW TWANKEY ENTERS MUSIC FADES ONCE SHE’S ON STAGE. SHE IS CARRYING A SHOPPING BAG THAT CONTAINS A BOX THAT SAYS PRAWN BALLS ON THE SIDE.
Widow Twankey – Hello everyone. I had to go outside for a bit …..but I didn't get any. I knew you were here I heard a knock at the doorbell. I’m glad you could all pop by. Did I just miss Wishee Washee? Did he do what I ask? Did he organise the audience? I told him to get all the ugly ones down the front. Oh look he hasn't done it yet. Oh no he hasn't. :::::: You'll get it. More often than me.
My name is Widow Petunia Twankey! Mother to Aladdin and Wishee Washee Twankey, international glamour puss, fashion model and chief scrubber at Twankeys laundry.
I'm so poor! And I’ve got so many worries! What about my poor cousin Annie. She’s gone! And my poor old Granny. She’s gone. And my poor beloved sister Fanny. What am I going to do? No Annie, no Granny and no sign of my other sister.
Welcome to our pantomime, now it's not like those other pantomimes that are all shameless publicity. We'd never mention Taste of Paradise Prawn Balls that are tasty and fresh and only 2 Euros fifty in all good supermarkets. I brought these back from my holiday. I do love a prawn ball. I'm going to put these over here and I want you to call out if anyone touches my prawn balls. Would you do that? You have to call "Don't Touch Petunia's Prawn Balls." Let's have a practice. :::::::::: And once more. :::::::::: Marvellous.
WISHEE WASHEE ENTERS, WIDOW TWANKEY HOLDS ONTO HIS HANDS.
Oh Wishee Washee Twankey! Come here!
Wishee Washee – What is it mum? Ah, you always hold my hands.
Widow Twankey – Of course I do, I've got 20€ in my pocket and I want to know where your hands are. What did you say as I left for the laundry this morning?
Wishee Washee - I don't remember.
Widow Twankey - You said I was fat!
Wishee Washee – I didn’t!
Widow Twankey - I won’t forget this if I live to be twenty nine. You said I was fat.
Wishee Washee - No I didn’t. You said you were fat and I agreed with you.
Widow Twankey – I’m beautiful and vivacious.
Wishee Washee – And single.
Widow Twankey – Shut your cake hole you!
END OF EXCERPT