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MUSIC 1 - OVERTURE “WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK” (FADE 1.06)
MUSIC 2 – DAYDREAM BELIEVER 0.06 KING VERSES & DANCERS JOIN IN FOR CHORUS
1: Oh I could hide 'neath the wings Ch: Cheer up sleepy Jean 2:You once thought of me
Of the blue bird as she sings Oh what can it mean to a As a white knight on his steed
The six-o'clock alarm would never ring Daydream believer and a Now you know how happy I can be
But six rings and I rise Homecoming queen 0.54 Oh, our good times start and end
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes Without all I want to spend
The shaving razor's cold and it stings 0.38 But how much baby
___________________________________________ do we really need 1.26
REPEAT CHORUS X2 1.59
King - Tell me again! What's happening tonight?
D_______16 - We're having a party!
King - I love parties!
Dancers - So do we! Hooray! 2.07
REPEAT CHORUS X2 - MUSIC FADES…
MUSIC 3 – ROYAL FANFARE
King - Make the announcement! Go on! I’m all excited! Make the announcement!
D________12 - By Royal Decree……
King – I wrote that bit!
D________12 - By Royal Decree….Tonight at the Golden Palace ….
King – It’s not a Chinese Restaurant. It’s my house in Orihuela.
D________12 - …..there will be a Royal Ball.
King – A big party!
D_______12 - Everybody in the land is invited!
D_______16 - Come along and celebrate the birthday of Snow White!
King – OOOOHHH A PARTY!!!!!!!!
All - See you all later! Bye!
KING AND CAST EXIT AS MUSIC FADES – MUDDLES ENTERS.
MUSIC 4 – DAYDREAM EXIT STING INTO MUDDLES ENTERS (2 pairs of sunglasses)
Muddles – They're genuine 100% fakes. Hello everyone! Hello! It’s just like being in my house this. Dirty and full of strangers. My name is Muddles and I work here at the Golden Palace. Some say I have a wonderful comedy brain. Others say I'm funny in the head. But I don’t have any friends. Actually I met my last girlfriend at the airport. I was flying to Scotland and she was sniffing luggage. But you're all welcome tonight. Oh yes you are!
(Oh no you're not) Fair enough.
Would you all like to be my friends? Yes? No? Couldn't care less?! You could all be in my gang.
When I shout..Hello Gang! You shout HELLO MUDDLES! If you shout really loud I’ll give you a week off school! In August! OK? Right I’ll just go off.
WALKS INTO WALL.
MUSIC 5 – DRUM CRASH
Ow. It’s ok. Don’t get up.
EXIT AND ENTER
Hello Gang! ( ) Did you do it? Start the car. What are you drinking? Night nurse? You might as well laugh, you’ve lost your money. Once more. Hello gang. Hello Muddles. OK?
EXIT AND ENTER
Hello Gang! ( ) Much better. Actually I’ve got some work to do! I need a volunteer!
WHEN ON STAGE MUDDLES DRAWS A WHITE LINE, AS MADE FAMOUS IN THE WORLD CUP, ON THE FLOOR.
Can you blow on this whistle for me? I want to see if it’s working. Give the whistle a big blow for me.
CHILD BLOWS WHISTLE
Thanks! that’s great. I wasn’t sure if it was working you see I had dropped it down the toilet.
CHILD SITS DOWN
I’m really happy today! I’ve just finished a fifty piece puzzle! Fifty pieces! It only took me two months and that’s good! On the side of the box it said three to six years! Save your laughter we’ve got a weak finish. I've got a couple of announcements. John Roberts the Cinema Manager has died. I know we all loved John. His funeral will be next Tuesday at half past one (pause) four o clock, half past seven and ten o clock. I'd like to say hello to the Spanish man who has just left hospital. Man Well! And to his brother the poor man who's had his car stolen. Car Loss.
I’m so excited! There’s an enormous party tonight! Everyone is invited! It’s Snow White’s birthday! There’s going to be Jelly and Ice Cream, and Chocolate cake. I lurve Chocolate Cake. Unless the Wicked Queen eats it all. She's so horrible.
MUSIC 6 – SNOW WHITE ENTERS/I’M WISHING
Can you keep a secret? She’s my best friend….Oh look everyone here she is!
SNOW WHITE ENTERS SPEAK AT END OF FIRST PHRASE OF MUSIC
Snow White – Hello Muddles. Hello everybody.
Muddles – Hello Snow White. Are you excited about your birthday?
Snow White – Of course I am. Very!
Muddles – What presents do you think you’ll get?
Snow White – I’m not worried about presents as long as all my friends are there.
Muddles – You might meet a handsome Prince.
Snow White – I often dream of meeting a handsome Prince.
Muddles – Will you dance with me?
Snow White – I’d love to.
Muddles – I dance ever so well. Mira Quien Baila! I’ve got the X Factor!
Snow White – Come on…let’s practice. (0.42)
Snow White - I'm wishing (echo)
MUDDLES IS CONFUSED BY THE ECHO OF THE SINGING
Muddles - Hello
Snow White - For the one I love….to find me (echo)
Muddles – Who’s that?
Snow White - Today (echo)
Muddles – Have you got a sister?
Snow White - I'm hoping (echo)
Muddles – Where are you?
Snow White - And I’m dreaming of the nice things (echo) he’ll say (echo)
Muddles – Who?
Snow White - La hahaha (echo)
Muddles – Ah!
Snow White - La hahaha (echo)
Muddles – Aaagghh!
Snow White - La hahaha
Muddles – Ahahahahahaha (Pain) Easy tiger.
Snow White - I'm wishing (echo)
for the one I love to find me (echo) today.
Muddles – Oh don't you love playback. Snow White that was really romantic.
Snow White – I’m glad you think so!
Muddles – Do you think we might be romantic one day..then we could sing a romantic song.
Snow White – Maybe Muddles… I love romantic songs….are you a handsome Prince?
MUSIC 7 – THE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS 0.17
Muddles – No..What about this song?
- Once in every show there comes a song like this
It starts off soft and low and ends up with a kiss
Oh where is the song that goes like this?
Where is it? Where is it? Where? 0.40
Snow White – 2 A sentimental song that casts a magic spell
They all will hum along we'll overact like hell
For this is the song that goes like this.
Muddles - Yes it is!
Snow White - Yes it is! 1.02
Muddles - 3. Now we can go straight into the middle eight
A bridge that is too far for me
Snow White - I'll sing it in your face while we both embrace
Both - And then we’ll change the key
Snow White - Now we're into E!
Muddles - That's awfully high for me
Snow White - But everyone can see
We should have stayed in D
Both - For this is our song that goes like this!
Muddles – 4. I'm feeling very proud
Snow White - You're singing far too loud
Muddles - That's the way that this song goes
Snow White - You're standing on my toes
Both - Singing our song that goes like this!
DANCER ENTERS SWEEPING THE STAGE AND TAPPING HIS WATCH
D_______15 - I'm locking up for the night.
Snow White - I can't believe there's more
Muddles - It's far too long, I'm sure
Snow White - That's the trouble with this song
It goes on and on and on
Both - For this is our song that is too long!
D_______15 – There can’t be any more surely?
DANCER EXITS
Snow White - We'll be singing this til dawn
Muddles - You'll wish that you weren't born
Snow White - Let's stop this damn refrain
Both - Before we go insane
The song always ends like this!
MUSIC 8 – MUDDLES & SNOW WHITE EXIT
SNOW WHITE AND MUDDLES EXIT
MUSIC 9 – SERVANTS ENTER
TWO SERVANTS ENTER. WALK BACKWARDS INTO EACH OTHER.
D________1– Stand back!
D________2– He takes large steps.
D________1– You’re an idiot!
D________2- Why tell everyone that I'm an idiot?
D________1- I'm sorry, is it supposed to be a secret?
D________2– I’m not an idiot!
D________1 - Then where were you? You were supposed to be getting the queen a pizza!
D________2– I got her one!
D________1- Where from… Italy?
PAUSE
D________2- Erm-.--yes. Oh I'm an idiot!
MUSIC 10 – WICKED QUEEN ENTRANCE
D________1 – When you were out there was a man at the door collecting for a new swimming pool.
D________2- Did you give him anything?
D________1- Yes, a glass of water.
D________2– Look busy here comes the boss!
D________1– It’s the Wicked Queen!
WICKED QUEEN ENTERS
Queen – Servants! Come here you snivelling little runts.
D_________1/D________2– Yes, your odiousness.
Queen – Did I hear laughter in my Palace?
D________1– No your horribleness. No-one was laughing.
Queen – What did I expressly order?
D________1– A medium cheese and ham from Telepizza!
Queen – No!
D________2– Chinese food?
Queen – Junk food! Take it away!
D________2– I remember! No-one is to be happy!
Queen – Correct! I don’t want any happiness in my Kingdom…especially today.
D________1– Why today?* *D________2 STAMPS ON HIS FOOT.
D________2– Ow! That was my foot!
Queen - Why today? Get out! Mirror! Mirror!
D________1& D________2EXIT
MUSIC 11 – MIRROR ENTERS
MIRROR ENTERS
Mirror – I am here oh terrible one.
Queen - Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?
Mirror – You are, oh great and disgusting Queen.
Queen – And so I will remain. Forever.
1. Of all the people in the land, 2. Icy black, that can’t be right,
There’s one I just don’t understand. Oh yes that’s it, it’s her Snow White.
My useless husband, yes him the king, An ugly child, grotesque. Bizarre,
His first wife’s child, I have to grin. Not even fit to clean my car!
Mirror! How old is Snow White?
Mirror – Seventeen oh vile one.
Queen – Seventeen? Still a child!
KING ENTERS
King – Hello everyone! Oh no! Are you talking to that mirror again?
Queen – That mirror? That mirror? At least I get an honest answer!
King – Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve got a hammer, and you will fall! Smashing!
Mirror – No don’t break me! Help!
Queen – Where have you been? I've been waiting for hours! I sat down so long my bottom went to sleep!
King - Yes we heard it snoring! There’s a Palace Ball tonight. Are you going to get ready?
THE QUEEN STARES AT HIM.
King – Oh sorry, I see you have. Hehehehe!
EXCERPT ENDS