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THE FAIRY GODMOTHER ENTERS. SHE GESTURES WITH HER WAND. (SHE COULD HAVE A LONDON ACCENT AS THIS TIES IN WITH A LATER SONG.)
MUSIC 1 FAIRY TINKLE
Fairy –There, it’s always a good idea to have a tinkle before the show starts. Alright my lovelies. How are you doing? I am a fairy and when the fairy does appear you’re supposed to give her a great big cheer!
I am full of fairy liquid… I mean fairy magic. Would you like to see some magic? Give me twenty pounds and I’ll make it disappear!
MUSIC 2 MOBILE PHONE
I can’t go on while someone’s phone is ringing. It’s so rude. We asked you to turn your phones off. It’s not the cinema! Oh wait a moment. It’s my phone. Sorry. Just an hour.
Hello? Hello yes? Ah it’s the Fairy Queen. Hello Fairy Queen. Where am I? I’m in ____YOUR TOWN_____.
WAIT FOR A REACTION
I said I’m in ____YOUR TOWN_____! You know ____YOUR TOWN_____.. Where all the politicians are honest and the school children intelligent! What’s that? You want me to be a Fairy Godmother? Oh that’s wonderful and you chose me even though this theatre is full of fairies?
So who do I need to help? ___NAME OF PRIME MINISTER___? Oh no sorry I didn’t quite catch that. Cinderella. And the address?
Hardup Hall, Stoney Broke Village. And her postcode? I O U 5 K. Very good. I’ll find her right away.
I’m so excited. I’m going to be Cinderella’s Hairy Gobstopper. I mean Mary Lobknockers. Oh what is it?
AUDIENCE SHOUT “FAIRY GODMOTHER.”
Fairy Godmother that’s it! You’re brilliant! Oh yes you are!
AUDIENCE REACTION
When we shout “oh yes you are” you shout “oh no you’re not.” And when we shout “oh yes you do.” You shout “oh no you don’t.” I think I’ll start. Oh yes I will.
AUDIENCE REACTION
Cheeky beggars. Are you sitting comfortably? Let’s magic up some music.
SHE WAVES HER WAND. NOTHING HAPPENS.
That’s what happens when you get the batteries from a Chino.
SHE WAVES HER WAND AGAINH AND MUSIC STARTS.
MUSIC 3 FAIRY UNDERSCORE.
Fairy – This is the most magical pantomime of them all. Once upon a time in a magical land, far far away, there lived a girl and her name was Cinderella… one day a handsome Prince, Prince Charming was walking around his Royal Palace.
THE PRINCE ENTERS
Prince – What’s the point of everything? Nothing ever happens in my life. I am so bored! Royal Functions. Royal Galas! Royal Parties. I never meet anyone new! I want to meet a girl! A girl who likes me because I’m me..and NOT because I’m the Prince.
MUSIC FADES AND THE FAIRY WAVES HER WAND. The prince exits.
MUSIC 4 FAIRY TINKLE (PLAYED OVER MUSIC 3)
Fairy – There you are…..the spell is cast!
The Prince he’s quite a fellah!
Come with us and watch the show.
Welcome to Cinderella!
FAIRY GODMOTHER EXITS.
MUSIC 5 YOU CAN’T HURRY LOVE 0.12
LIGHTS SLOW FADE UP – DANDINI ENTERS WITH THE DANCERS
V1 - I need love, love C1 - You can't hurry love C2 - You can't hurry love
To ease my mind No, you just have to wait No, you just have to wait
I need to find, find someone to call mine She said love don't come easy You got to trust, give it time
But mama said 0.22 It's a game of give and take 0.31 No matter how long it takes 0.42
V2 - But how many heartaches must I stand REPEAT C1 V3 - How long must I wait
Before I find a love to let me live again How much more can I take
Right now the only thing that keeps me hangin' on Before loneliness will cause my heart
When I feel my strength, yeah it's almost gone Heart to break? 1.22
I remember mama said: 1.02 1.12
V4 - No I can't bear to live my life alone REPEAT C1 REPEAT C2
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when feel that I, I can’t go on.
These precious words, keep me hanging on. 1.42 1.56 2.02
THE PRINCE ENTERS
Dandini – Pray silence for His Royal Highness Prince Charming of _____LOCAL PLACE NAME______.
Prince - Good morning Dandini. Good morning everybody.
Dancers - Good Morning Your Highness.
Prince – How are you all?
Dancers – We’re absolutely wonderful! 2.15
REPEAT C1 C2 C1 C2
MUSIC FADES AND THE DANCERS GATHER AROUND
MUSIC 6 ROYAL FANFARE
G1 - How are you today Sire?
G2 - You seem very depressed.
G3 - Is everything alright in the Kingdom?
Prince – Yes, of course but I’m just a bit sad that’s all.
G4 - Whatever’s the matter?
Dandini - Leave us now, I think the Prince has some matters of state to attend to and needs some time alone on the throne.
Prince – Erm…not quite how I’d put it…but yes, please go.
THE DANCERS EXIT LOOKING CONCERNED
Dandini - What’s happened, your Highness?
Prince – To be honest I’m bored Dandini!
Dandini – Blimey, the show’s only been on five minutes. Three more hours to go. Give us a chance!
Prince – No! I’m bored with life in the Palace!
Dandini - Well we’re going hunting today.
Prince – I thought the Government had banned it?
Dandini – Not in Panto land! And you like hunting!
Prince – I like hunting yes! But it’s a girl I need to catch. Oh Dandini…how can I meet a girl?
Dandini -. Have you tried _____LOCAL DISCO____ on a Friday night?
Prince - Girls only like me because I am a Prince.
Dandini – (ASIDE) Yes, what a burden. (TO THE PRINCE) That’s not true my liege.
Prince - I’ve got it!
Dandini - Well I hope it’s not contagious! Let’s get you to the doctors!
Prince – No! I’ve got the best idea! We can change places.
DANDINI MOVES TO WHERE THE PRINCE IS.
Dandini - Like that? What do you mean Sire?
Prince - If you wear my Royal Sash, just for today of course, people will think that you are the Prince.
THE PRINCE GIVES DANDINI HIS ROYAL SASH
Dandini – I can wear your Royal Sash? I’ll look brilliant in ___LOCAL SHOPPING CENTRE____.
Prince - If I’m a commoner, maybe I can meet a real girl!
Dandini - If I’m the Prince does that mean I can have a party?
Prince - Of course you can! You can do whatever you want. Today, you’re the Prince!
Dandini – And if you are now Dandini! Please deliver invitations to every eligible girl in the land!
Prince – There’s no need to say please.
Dandini – You’re right, you never do. Tonight we will hold a Royal Ball!
Prince – I love Balls!
Dandini – I thought you wanted to meet a girl!
You know what I mean! I’ll deliver the invitations. Consider it done, Dandini…erm…your Royal Highness.
KNEE SLAPS AND EXIT.
MUSIC 7 PRINCE/DANDINI EXIT
FAIRY DRESSED AS A BEGGAR WOMAN ENTERS. WHEN SHE SPEAKS TO CINDERELLA SHE COVERS HER FACE.
Fairy – Hello again my loves. It’s time to meet Cinderella. She’s in the forest looking for firewood. Her cruel step mother and sisters have sent her out into the cold again.
CINDERELLA ENTERS SHE IS LOOKING FOR FIREWOOD.
Cinderella – Hello old lady.
Fairy – Here, less of the lady.
Cinderella - My name is Cinderella.
Fairy – I know.
Cinderella – You know?
Fairy – I mean I know you must be looking for wood for your fire.
Cinderella – That’s right.
Fairy – I too am looking for something to keep me warm.
Cinderella – Firewood?
Fairy – A good stop gap till a hunky builder comes along.
Cinderella - I’ve been looking for firewood in the forest for ages and I haven’t found very much at all. My horrible Step Sisters will be so angry if I don’t find any. Well old woman…..
Fairy – Can you drop the old references.
Cinderella- Of course. It must be hard to pick up.
Fairy – Depends which bar you go to…oh you mean the firewood. Well, I’m not as fit as I used to be I’m afraid. It all seems so long ago.
Cinderella – Yes, we learned about Ancient Rome when I was at school. Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear you’re not so well.
Fairy – My back is sore and I can’t reach down to the ground.
Cinderella – Then you must have my firewood.
Fairy – Oh no, I couldn’t. Won’t you get into trouble?
Cinderella – Not at all, your need is greater than mine.
Fairy – You are kind. So kind.
Cinderella – Wait here, there’s some more over there.
CINDERELLA MOVES OFF TO THE BACK TO GET MORE WOOD. THE FAIRY REVEALS HERSELF TO THE AUDIENCE.
Fairy – This is a kindness done when most in need….I will repay Cinderella for this selfless act. I will be here to help her when she feels there is no hope.
THE FAIRY COVERS HERSELF AGAIN.
Cinderella – Here you are, here’s some more wood for your fire. You are very welcome.
Fairy – I must go. Thank you again.
Cinderella – Goodbye!
THE FAIRY EXITS
Cinderella – Poor woman. I hope she will be warmed by her fire tonight.
Buttons – (OFFSTAGE) Cinderella! Where are you?
Cinderella – It’s Buttons! My best friend! I’ll hide! See you later!
BUTTONS ENTERS LOOKING FOR CINDERELLA QUICKLY EXITS.
MUSIC 8 BUTTONS ENTERS STING
Buttons – Cinderella! Cinderella? I know you’re here! Hello everybody!
HE TAKES OFF A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES AND HE’S WEARING ANOTHER PAIR UNDERNEATH. WHICH HE THEN ALSO REMOVES.
Three cheers for Rap Music. Hip Hop!
My name is Buttons! I work at Hardup Hall. Not all the time. At the moment I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down. I promise not to tell you any bad jokes…only good ones! I had a joke about German sausages but to be honest they’re the wurst.
I’ve got a brilliant idea. Go home? Who said that? Do you want to hear my brilliant idea? Oh yes you do!
ENCOURAGES OH NO YOU DON’T REACTION FROM THE AUDIENCE
When I say “hello boys and girls” will you shout “hello Buttons!”? Let’s try…hello boys and girls!
BUTTONS WAITS FOR THE REACTION THEN PRETENDS HE’S HEARD NOTHING. HE LOOKS OFFSTAGE AND SAYS...
Where are you? At school? It’s ok to speak! Let’s have another go. HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS! That’s better. Now when I shout “hello mums and dads will you shout “hello Buttons!”? Let’s have a go! HELLO MUMS AND DADS! Oh dear you all need some practice! Now when I shout “Hello everybody,” are you ready? HELLO EVERYBODY…! That was fantastic!
I’ve got a quick announcement to make. We have to say a special hello to Carol Rogers it’s her birthday today and she’s in watching the show. She’s 90 years old today. Ninety ladies and gentleman! That dedication is from “her mum and dad, granny and granddad.”
You’re a great audience.
LOOKING AND SPEAKING TO OFF-STAGE
Send the cast home. Now where is Cinderella? Oh. I know how to get her here...……. Look! It’s ___ NAME OF MALE POP STAR____!
CINDERELLA APPEARS.
Cinderella – Oh I love ___SAME POP SINGER___! Oh no!
Buttons – I know you appear when I say that! Do I look like Justin Bieber?
Cinderella – Yes, from a distance.
Buttons – A couple of metres?
Cinderella – A couple of miles Buttons. Oh but Buttons you’re my best friend. Who needs Justin Bieber with his good looks and money?
Buttons – I’m the best friend anyone could have in the world.
Cinderella – That’s true!
Buttons – Hey Cinders I bet you a pound I could kiss you without you feeling it.
Cinderella – That’s not possible.
Buttons – Let me try.
Cinderella – Alright. You’ll kiss me and I won’t feel it. If not, you’ll give me a pound?
Buttons – Yes. Right here goes! Close your eyes.
BUTTONS KISSES CINDERELLA.
Cinderella – Hey, I felt it!
Buttons – I know! There’s your pound.
Cinderella – Oh Buttons!
CINDERELLA SUDDENLY LOOKS SAD
Buttons – What’s the matter Cinders?
Cinderella – It’s my terrible step sisters Annie and Fanny
Buttons – Have they been horrible to you again? They look like Boris Johnson in a dress.
END OF EXCERPT